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As always, it was a great visit. I find our friendship interesting on so many levels. We have very similar values and yet our lives have taken very different paths. She's the mom of three (one boy, two girls) and married much younger than I did. She's going on her 20 year anniversary while Dennis and I are just hitting number ten. She's got a full house - in addition to the kids and hubby, she also has three dogs. Dennis and I briefly thought about adopting a stray we found in our yard (a sweet little thing named Mousey) and I nearly lost my mind thinking about looking after two. She deals with a daily level of chaos that would send me spiraling in no time flat.
Career-wise, we've also had very different paths. She's been a nurse for a number of years. While I believe she is an excellent nurse (I would trust her to care for me or my family) she's never loved it. It's always been something she's done to pay the bills. For me, my career has been nurtured like a child. I've loved it, worried over it - and put in countless hours to help it grow.
Lisa was one of my bridesmaids and I only had two (Tracy being the other) so that says a little about how important our friendship is. When we get together, no matter how much time has passed we're comfortable talking about the light-hearted stuff and the serious stuff. Work, relationships, parents, siblings - it's all up for discussion. So of course last night I disclosed my recent diagnosis. Like everyone else I've told so far, she was shocked. It still feels surreal to me too, so I can imagine how it is for my friends who are hearing it for the first time.
It's hard to share this news. I'm still not sure what my own emotions are, and in some ways it's almost as is if I'm feeling it all over again each time I tell my story. I try to be sensitive as to how I introduce it and share the news, but at the same time I feel bad that I'm kind of killing the vibe so to speak. It's hard to pretend that things are normal. These days there isn't a single a moment that I'm not painfully aware I have cancer. On the other hand, cancer sucks so telling people I have cancer totally sucks too. There's no way to win with this one. Just like a marathon, you have to slog through the hard miles and just get 'er done.
No matter how hard it is to tell people, it's a relief too in many ways. It's always wonderful to feel the love and support of my friends and family when I share this hard news. Whatever failings I may have, for some reason I have been able to attract good people into my life. I don't know what I've done to deserve it, but my friends are kind, caring and wonderful human beings. I'm blessed beyond belief. In fact, of all the things that really count in life - family, love, friends, a sense of purpose and meaning - I've had it all in abundance. God has chosen to bless me and I'm very grateful and humbled by His grace.