But sometimes life has a way of dealing you pleasant surprises. The meeting was actually very productive and it turned out we weren't as far apart as I initially thought we might be.
One of the things that I hope helped was I took some time to reflect on the email and try to figure out where the tone might be coming from, and reflect on my own reaction a bit. My colleague Tanya has been reading a book on feedback and one of the key messages is to find the 5% of good feedback, even if the rest of the feedback is not good. So I looked to see where there might be some things that were good points and helpful in moving forward.
As it turns out, there was lots of good feedback. I might not have liked the way it was worded (and the exclamation points were a bit much) but I could see where they were coming from and why. I also thought about what I needed them to understand. I also realized that the person wanted to be acknowledged for their expertise. To move forward, we had to do it in a way that helped them see that (a) their expertise was valued and (b) this was the context we were trying to apply it in.
At the end of the meeting, I felt like relationships were strengthened and the plan had been improved. I guess I was initially prepared to go in guns a-blazing. But the irony is there are rarely winners when you try to win. Today was a pleasant reminder that seeking understanding and finding common purpose isn't just a theory - it actually does work!