Given that we celebrated a milestone anniversary, I thought I should take a few moments to reflect on marriage.
I remember when we first got engaged and everyone was congratulating us. I thought it was kind of weird - I mean really, what kind of accomplishment is it anyway? It's not like getting a degree or achieving something else where you had to work really hard and put in lots of effort. If anything, it should have been a time for sober reminders not giddy celebrations! As in, "do you kids know what you're getting into? Do you have any idea what happens after the confetti and cake?!"
Not to sound like I haven't been happy we decided to say our vows. But like anything in life that is worthwhile, there is more hard work that you realize going into it. From the outside, everyone just sees a happy couple. Only the two people involved know how much effort it takes to stay a happy couple - the compromise, the difficult conversations...making the decision to be a couple again and again. Commitment is not a one-time process, it's constantly renewed.
Of course it's not all labouring away in the salt mines! There have also been so many just plain ol' good times. From wonderful holiday memories to having our own little traditions, like watching Elf every Christmas. Marriage means many of your big moments are shared ones. Like buying our first house - looking back, I'm so glad that I was able to do that with Dennis. We have a history together that continues to build.
One of my biggest fears about getting married was loss of privacy. When I was dating Dennis, I wouldn't even give him a key to my apartment. There was a part of me that was so starved for my own sense of space, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to always be listening for the door to unlock, wondering if my alone time was going to be interrupted. Of course, once you're married you kind of have to give someone the key. I thought this would be the biggest adjustment. But what totally surprised me was how natural it felt to share the space.
I realize ten years is a drop in the bucket compared to other couples. But I guess that's the other thing I've come to believe about marriage. You can't compare yours to anyone else's, you have to figure out what works for you. And figure it out again when things change - because things always change!
I remember when we first got engaged and everyone was congratulating us. I thought it was kind of weird - I mean really, what kind of accomplishment is it anyway? It's not like getting a degree or achieving something else where you had to work really hard and put in lots of effort. If anything, it should have been a time for sober reminders not giddy celebrations! As in, "do you kids know what you're getting into? Do you have any idea what happens after the confetti and cake?!"
Not to sound like I haven't been happy we decided to say our vows. But like anything in life that is worthwhile, there is more hard work that you realize going into it. From the outside, everyone just sees a happy couple. Only the two people involved know how much effort it takes to stay a happy couple - the compromise, the difficult conversations...making the decision to be a couple again and again. Commitment is not a one-time process, it's constantly renewed.
Of course it's not all labouring away in the salt mines! There have also been so many just plain ol' good times. From wonderful holiday memories to having our own little traditions, like watching Elf every Christmas. Marriage means many of your big moments are shared ones. Like buying our first house - looking back, I'm so glad that I was able to do that with Dennis. We have a history together that continues to build.
One of my biggest fears about getting married was loss of privacy. When I was dating Dennis, I wouldn't even give him a key to my apartment. There was a part of me that was so starved for my own sense of space, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to always be listening for the door to unlock, wondering if my alone time was going to be interrupted. Of course, once you're married you kind of have to give someone the key. I thought this would be the biggest adjustment. But what totally surprised me was how natural it felt to share the space.
I realize ten years is a drop in the bucket compared to other couples. But I guess that's the other thing I've come to believe about marriage. You can't compare yours to anyone else's, you have to figure out what works for you. And figure it out again when things change - because things always change!