Back in August when Dennis and I booked our Phoenix holiday, I thought I would be having my exchange surgery (switching my $%!&ing tissue expanders for my "real fake breast" implants) in late August. Due to a variety of circumstances I won't get into here, my surgery date actually ended up being December 2. Under the surgeon's orders, I wasn't allowed to exercise for a full month after the surgery. Which meant I basically had 2 weeks to train for the 10k. Which might not have been so bad if I had been keeping up my regular running routine prior to surgery. (Six miles is my usual distance for a run.) But I most definitely had not. I can't even remember the last time I ran 10k. Cancer, it turns out, can really mess with your workouts.
I wasn't sure how ugly it was going to be today. Or if I would even be able to run very far. But as the old saying goes, "it is what it is". Ready or not, it was race day. The only option was to do my best and enjoy the day.
I always joke that I'm okay with not having a personal best run as long as I can avoid a personal worst. Today was record setting in all the wrong directions. And yet I was smiling from ear to ear as I crossed the finish line at a sloth-like 1 hour and 25 minutes. It just felt so good to get back to it. While I did have to walk throughout, I was able to run for quite awhile before needing a break. And even when I took a walk break I was able to get back to running. I crossed strong and it felt amazing. Not quite like a Kenyan but pretty damn close. (Also making me feel athletic was the fact there were runners in the 10k, so no matter what I could guarantee having someone behind me. Bless you, walkers.)
It felt healing to go back and do the run. Last time we were in Phoenix, we were all talking about coming back again. I remember silently wondering if I would be alive the next year. And here I am. Not 100% back to normal but on the path at least. Of course, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. The person I was a year ago was terrified of what was ahead. The person I am now is painfully aware of the fragility of life, but not terrified of it. I hope that I will have many years ahead of me. But if that is not meant to be, I will at least know that I have been grateful for every single day I've been given.
I wasn't sure how ugly it was going to be today. Or if I would even be able to run very far. But as the old saying goes, "it is what it is". Ready or not, it was race day. The only option was to do my best and enjoy the day.
I always joke that I'm okay with not having a personal best run as long as I can avoid a personal worst. Today was record setting in all the wrong directions. And yet I was smiling from ear to ear as I crossed the finish line at a sloth-like 1 hour and 25 minutes. It just felt so good to get back to it. While I did have to walk throughout, I was able to run for quite awhile before needing a break. And even when I took a walk break I was able to get back to running. I crossed strong and it felt amazing. Not quite like a Kenyan but pretty damn close. (Also making me feel athletic was the fact there were runners in the 10k, so no matter what I could guarantee having someone behind me. Bless you, walkers.)
It felt healing to go back and do the run. Last time we were in Phoenix, we were all talking about coming back again. I remember silently wondering if I would be alive the next year. And here I am. Not 100% back to normal but on the path at least. Of course, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. The person I was a year ago was terrified of what was ahead. The person I am now is painfully aware of the fragility of life, but not terrified of it. I hope that I will have many years ahead of me. But if that is not meant to be, I will at least know that I have been grateful for every single day I've been given.