Yesterday was a crazy day at work. I didn't get home until 6pm, and even then was looking at a few more hours before I could call it a day. With my mind utterly distracted, it wasn't until I was lying in bed that I realized something: it was my one year cancer-versary!
Yup, hard to believe but just 365 days ago I was having one hell of a rough day. Getting needles stuck in my nipples. Having my first experience with anesthetic. Getting body parts removed. Being hooked up to an IV. What I remember most from that day is going through it all with a quiet sense of despair. Because no matter what - it was going to happen and I couldn't do anything to stop it. At no time in my life have I ever felt so sad, helpless and alone. No matter how many people are there to hold your hand - in that moment, it was just me and my cancer.
One year later and I feel like I'm still healing. It's hard getting used to these new foobs. I'm still dealing with some fatigue. And it all still feels very fresh. I know I'm more than my experience with cancer but it surprises me how much it's on my mind and how often I think of it. It reminds me of a line from the book Orange is the New Black, where the author comments that her time in prison has never left her. Some life experiences are so profound, they leave an indelible mark. Perhaps you don't ever move on. You just keep moving through.
Yup, hard to believe but just 365 days ago I was having one hell of a rough day. Getting needles stuck in my nipples. Having my first experience with anesthetic. Getting body parts removed. Being hooked up to an IV. What I remember most from that day is going through it all with a quiet sense of despair. Because no matter what - it was going to happen and I couldn't do anything to stop it. At no time in my life have I ever felt so sad, helpless and alone. No matter how many people are there to hold your hand - in that moment, it was just me and my cancer.
One year later and I feel like I'm still healing. It's hard getting used to these new foobs. I'm still dealing with some fatigue. And it all still feels very fresh. I know I'm more than my experience with cancer but it surprises me how much it's on my mind and how often I think of it. It reminds me of a line from the book Orange is the New Black, where the author comments that her time in prison has never left her. Some life experiences are so profound, they leave an indelible mark. Perhaps you don't ever move on. You just keep moving through.